Raising The Fifth

Content Warning: Abortion

Dear Unborns

by Rachael Clyne

The first time –
               pinned against
               tree roots
               he shoved into me
claimed my price for
a cheap Bolognese.
              I uttered
the women’s plea
to St. Rita –
Getitoverquick.

 

Eyes fixed
             on branches.
             Lights flicker
             on leaves.
             I knew
just feet from
the roar of traffic
you’d been planted.

 

The next time –
              I was wedlocked
              in a war
              of attrition.
Only months after
his chemotherapy
              I decided to leave
              then you
              entered my womb.

 

I just couldn’t
              I’m sorry. I
              flushed you both out
              before your hands
              grew fingers.

 

A friend said
              Some souls elect
              this brevity.
Tell me, was she right?

First published in ‘You’ll Never Be Anyone Else’ (Seren, 2023)

About the Poem

“There were valid reasons for terminating my pregnancies. However, in honesty there was too much in me that needed healing to give space for a child. I still felt excluded from society, until menopause when it was no longer an option and I could take on a different role. I had to learn not to take it personally when others were busy with their families. At least I had space for my creative offspring.”

Rachael Clyne, is a retired psychotherapist from Glastonbury. She is widely published in journals and her pamphlet, Girl Golem (4Word Press, 2018) explores her Jewish, migrant background. Her latest collection, ‘You’ll Never Be Anyone Else’ (Seren 2023) expands on themes of identity and otherness including LGBTQ and relationships. 

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