Content Warning: Abortion
The first time –
pinned against
tree roots
he shoved into me
claimed my price for
a cheap Bolognese.
I uttered
the women’s plea
to St. Rita –
Getitoverquick.
Eyes fixed
on branches.
Lights flicker
on leaves.
I knew
just feet from
the roar of traffic
you’d been planted.
The next time –
I was wedlocked
in a war
of attrition.
Only months after
his chemotherapy
I decided to leave
then you
entered my womb.
I just couldn’t
I’m sorry. I
flushed you both out
before your hands
grew fingers.
A friend said
Some souls elect
this brevity.
Tell me, was she right?
First published in ‘You’ll Never Be Anyone Else’ (Seren, 2023)
“There were valid reasons for terminating my pregnancies. However, in honesty there was too much in me that needed healing to give space for a child. I still felt excluded from society, until menopause when it was no longer an option and I could take on a different role. I had to learn not to take it personally when others were busy with their families. At least I had space for my creative offspring.”
Rachael Clyne, is a retired psychotherapist from Glastonbury. She is widely published in journals and her pamphlet, ‘Girl Golem’ (4Word Press, 2018) explores her Jewish, migrant background. Her latest collection, ‘You’ll Never Be Anyone Else’ (Seren 2023) expands on themes of identity and otherness including LGBTQ and relationships.