Raising The Fifth

Content Warning: Description of neonatal care

Neonatal Baby Blanket

by Ali Rowland

You won’t remember this. It’s soft, pastel yarn,
no holes to catch your see-through fingers
that grasp the air you came too early into
from your double-heart-beat haven, in the dry
acrylic bubble.

Is it tucked around you, taking your scent,
becoming your familiar? One day,
someone will lift you from that protective cot,
still wrapped in it, anxious that you stay warm,
testing your wondrous lungs, the size of sweets,
perhaps, but found to be resilient enough;
tragedy evaded so exquisitely.

Another day, it leaves the building with you,
the first time you feel the wind upon your face,
the light of the sun, maybe a little rain,
birds chorusing your amazing journey.

In your home, surrounded by admiration,
it’s still there, a relic, but preserved,
perhaps, left for a while in the pretty,
pristine cradle so that you, like a baby
animal, smell it’s yours. It won’t
matter then, what happens to it, its purpose
has been served.

I don’t know who you are, I never will.
I’ve not felt a child inside me, or ever held
a newborn creature. That time has gone,
that regret mostly passed. Occasionally
I’ll think of it as I make each little,
individual stitch for you; more often
I’ll be enjoying the subtle
repetition, the feel of thread whispering
along my fingers, the rhythm emptying
my head, stilling fears, knitting my own
safe place.

You won’t remember this, this
thing that serves as both our comforts.

About the Poem

“I had a very traumatic childhood which meant I felt I couldn’t have children myself. Although it was a ‘choice,’ not all our choices come without some regret. I was struck by the irony of myself, a childless woman, providing something as intimate as a first blanket for these very fragile babies I’ll never know. I think lots of craft groups and WIs around the country are involved with their local hospitals to make the blankets, which are taken home with each baby, so a constant supply is required. My advice for people who don’t have children would be to always be kind to yourself, and to follow your heart, because your head can often get itself in a tizzy about emotional things, whereas your heart usually knows what you really need.”   

 

If you have been inspired by this poem, you can learn more about making and donating blankets for babies in hospital via the following websites:

Sands
Knit for Peace
Warm Baby Project

Ali Rowland lives in Northumberland, UK. Sometimes she writes about life with mental health issues, but just as often her prose and poetry is about the world in general. After being published in over fifty magazines, and winning two poetry competitions, she is coming dangerously close to regarding herself as an author.   

Skip to content