I didn’t know that I too wanted her until now
– waking up from a dream where she climbs me like a tree.
Her curly golden locks caressing my shoulder,
her tiny hands and a big sense of humor.
She’d be an artist, no doubt.
Brushing away my sadness,
just like her dad,
while running around.
“I chose not to have children and never really doubted my choice. But this dream with Violet was so vivid and the closest I ever got to feeling like a mother that I felt I had to write about it—about her. So I did. My daughter that never was and never will be—except for that one time when my eyes were closed at night and she came by.”
Nicole Louie is a writer and translator based in Ireland. When not writing, she is reading about the lives of women without children. Her essays have appeared in Oh Reader and Childfree Magazine, and her curated collections of books, movies and podcasts about childlessness can be found online. Others Like Me: The Lives of Women Without Children is her first book.